My Neighbours Fake Grass Is Giving Me The Bat Sh!ts

Deliberately poor recreation of Rage Guy

Deliberately poor recreation of Rage Guy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Synthetic grass. Two simple words, perhaps fair to say, two words our grandfathers would have never dreamt of saying in one sentence, but, in today’s busy life, fairly common.

From small backyards, to time poor busy folk, the appeal of fake grass is taking Australia by storm. Perhaps it is the ongoing drought that has helped fake grass shoot off, or perhaps the cost of petrol becoming a factor in people no longer buying the god old fashioned Victor lawnmower, which is etched in my memories of my dad’s favourite tool in the shed.

Regardless, fake grass is about as popular and common now as fake lips, breasts, and noses.

Last year, my neighbours gave up their real grass to replace it with the fake stuff. They love it. And until 6 weeks ago, I was no fussed either way.

But then, the mulberry tree in their backyard began to flower. Then the bats arrived.

What happened next, only a bleach company would be happy with.

Each night, as the bast descend on the tree, they get their fill, and circle our backyard, decking, cubby-house and outdoor furniture with purple ink like bat poo. It looks like we have been invaded each night with an angry novice painter with purple paint who has some long standing hatred for acts committed in the past.

Even with the most toxic cleaning product, nothing gets this stuff off. I now hate bats.

And, I blame it all on my neighbours fake grass.

Buyer, beware.

3 thoughts on “My Neighbours Fake Grass Is Giving Me The Bat Sh!ts

  1. do you mind if I post this as part of my next zzyzx? I’ll post a link to your page etc. let me know what you think. hilarious btw. so lucky we don’t have bat issues in S.A.

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